Life

Is Your Date A “Slow Burn” Or A “No Burn”?

How to tell if they're worth waiting around for.

They say good things come to those who wait. Waiting can lead to relationships that are organic and easy and guaranteed to last. But what if what you think is a slow burn turns out to be a no burn?

While you might think it’s just “going with the flow” or “not rushing things” it may actually be that there is nothing to rush towards other than a fizzled out fling. 

#1 Are There Any Justifiable Hurdles Worth Considering?

There are plenty of great reasons for things to be going slowly — but they need to be justified and openly acknowledged for what they are.

For example, if a romantic relationship is developing from a friendship it makes sense that things don’t go too fast too soon, and can’t be retracted if it doesn’t work out. Similarly, when someone has potentially just started full time work or they’re intensely working on their Honours there probably isn’t a lot of spare brain space or free time. Put yourself in their position and talk about it = SLOW BURN.

Any justification that is briefly mentioned and easily skirted around is probably lacking in authenticity. Running an Insta page full time is not a valid excuse = NO BURN. 

#2 Words And Music

Conversation should be easy and effortless – even if it is infrequent or patchy. If it’s not, it’s probably not worth waiting around for anyway.

Where there is opportunity to chat, does it flow easily? Is there playful teasing? Reciprocal questioning/answering? Where there’s good chemistry and both people put effort into communicating it’s classic = SLOW BURN.

A great test is the “future” test — look at the language and response when there is a reference towards a future activity or event. Where there is an invitation to “make pizza together the next time we’re together” or “binge watch Westworld during winter break” and the response is panic (“that’s so far away to plan”) or non-committal (“haha maybe”) = NO BURN.

#3 Bedroom Intentions

This one isn’t difficult. Is there pressure towards chill but no Netflix? That’s not a burn, that’s a booty call = NO BURN.

If the chill is a natural progression after mutually comfortable Netflix and the terms are clear = SLOW BURN.

#4 Are You Solely Responsible For “The Pants”?

It’s not a relationship so there are no pre-defined “pants” … But I maintain that in any partnership is the position of leader and follower. Sometimes these roles are stagnant and sometimes they flip.

When dating, there are the Courtship Khakis. The casual and versatile pant option. The party wearing the Courtship Khakis is responsible for initiating plans or brings up the (dreaded) “what are we?” conversation eventually. If the Courtship Khakis are shared and the burden doesn’t fall on only one person = SLOW BURN.

If every plan or catch-up is a game of cat and mouse then it’s time to evaluate whether you’d rather be lonely than deal with this = NO BURN.

#5 There Are Totes Ma Goats In-Jokes

Obviously it’s dependent on the individuals, but “tag-ability” of your suitor is a huge indication of how comfortable you are with each other, and a mutual understanding of shared experiences.

While it might seem trivial, things like in-jokes or ridiculous pet names take time to develop and are dependent on at least some type of mental commitment = SLOW BURN.

When the best response you can get to a great meme is a wow react = NO BURN.

At the end of the day, the best way to ensure a good flame is to start with the right match.

(Lead image: Trainwreck/Universal)