I fall in fake love with someone new every day – I always have, single or otherwise – but it doesn’t affect how important my relationship is to me.

We’re constantly told that if we’re in a monogamous relationship, our partner should think of us and only us. Let’s be real – no one does that, and all this talk about “micro-cheating” and “emotional cheating” is possessive and reductive.

Experiencing attraction to more than one person at a time is totally normal and natural, so what’s the point of hiding it from the most important person in your life?

It’s Just A Crush 

Honestly, what’s the big deal? Crushes are fun. They’re exciting. We’ve pretty much accepted that having crushes on celebrities is totally normal and fine, so why is it different when the person isn’t famous? Why am I allowed to get butterflies in my stomach when I see Gina Rodriguez on my TV but not when I see the cute checkout guy at Woolworths? I literally don’t even know how to stop the butterflies. I’m not asking anyone out on dates. I’m not pretending I’m single. I’m just not suppressing my emotions. The only thing more fun for me than getting a crush on someone is telling my boyfriend about it.

If You Can’t Trust Your Partner, Don’t Date Them 

It’s completely ridiculous to expect your partner to avoid feeling any sort of attraction to other people. The point is that you trust them not to act on those desires, and if you don’t, why are you dating them? Trust is such a fundamental component of love. If you’re constantly worried that your partner is going to cheat on you, are you giving yourself the space to enjoy the really great things about being with them? Let go a little and trust that they won’t cross the line.

Discuss Your Boundaries Before You Cross Them

And seriously, where are the lines? If you haven’t talked about it yet, I can guarantee you that you and your partner don’t have the exact same definition of “cheating”. Is flirting cheating? What about hand holding? Sleeping in the same bed? Drunk makeouts? I promise you, everyone has a different line. Coming to a mutual agreement will calm your nerves.

Crushes are pretty shallow and definitely not life-altering.

While you’re at it, assess your own problematic thinking. Are any of your boundaries gendered? Why is it different for you when your partner hangs out with a girl alone compared to hanging out with another guy, or vice versa? If you don’t take time to assess your thought patterns, there’s a good chance you’re letting heteronormative rom-com tropes take over your romantic life. There’s a reason those movies always end shortly after they get together – relationships built on shit as shallow as “love at first sight” won’t last. Don’t model your relationship off of When Harry Met Sally. Harry and Sally aren’t even fucking real. 

If Your Crush Becomes More Than A Crush… Talk About It

You might see this approach as inviting infidelity into your relationship, but I really don’t see it that way. Crushes are pretty shallow and definitely not life-altering, but if the crush does develop into something more, shouldn’t communication be your priority instead of secrecy and inevitable anger? This kind of shit still happens whether you’re open about it or not.

Stop punishing yourself for having feelings and talk to your partner. You’ve got better things to worry about it.

(Lead image: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend/CW)