Culture

Cool Pope Francis Finally Confirms God Is Not Actually A Wizard

Pictured: not God.

by Alex McKinnon  29 October 2014

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Vastly disappointing news out of the Vatican today. Pope Francis, the Cool Pope, has confirmed that sadly, God is not actually a wizard, putting the lie to everything we learned growing up about both God and wizards.

According to UK newspaper The Independent, Francis told the Pontifical Academy of Sciences (aka Ultimate Party House 2K14) that evolution and the Big Bang are definitely real things, and that God isn’t some magical wizard who can make stuff happen by wrinkling his nose like Jeannie from I Dream Of Jeannie can:

“When we read about Creation in Genesis, we run the risk of imagining God was a magician, with a magic wand able to do everything. But that is not so. 

“He created human beings and let them develop according to the internal laws that he gave to each one so they would reach their fulfilment.

“The Big Bang, which today we hold to be the origin of the world, does not contradict the intervention of the divine creator but, rather, requires it.

“Evolution in nature is not inconsistent with the notion of creation, because evolution requires the creation of beings that evolve.”

The Catholic Church has gone back and forth on evolution since the 1950s; as The Independent points out in that same article, both Pope Piux XII and John Paul II were public advocates of real-people science, while Pope Benedict was more an “intelligent design” kinda guy. So while Francis’ comments are certainly cool, they haven’t broken a huge amount of new ground.

That said, Cool Pope is continuing his Cool Pope run splendidly.

The big guy Himself was a bit miffed.