If life is like a box of chocolates, then so are comedians. You never know whether you’re gonna get a good joke…or this one :(

Uni could also be described as a box of chocolates; it’s one of those things where you’ve just got to dive in and try it for yourself. And it’s different for everyone. For example, some people with deep-seated personal issues actually like Cherry Ripe flavour.

Like most of us, Australia’s hottest up-and-coming comedians had normal people goals for uni: doing a course they liked, meeting new mates, and landing some kind of paid job at the end of it all.

So, who better to ask about the realities of uni life? Dive in to hear what they had to say.

Cameron James

“I kept thinking uni would be full of people who knew what they were doing,” says Cameron James, who recently came second in triple j’s ‘RAW Comedy’ national final and has a cult podcast called Mike Check.

“But it’s basically a bunch of people who have no idea what they want to do pretending to not be freaked out by calling teachers by their first names.”

Among the things that surprised him about uni: “no one brings a lunch box”, and that a three-year degree can be stretched to five years, with only minimal planning.

“The best thing I got out of my degree was the friends. I found a group who cared about movies and TV as much as I did. Then after uni, I became a comedian, they got jobs in the industry – and now they get me jobs.”

“Make friends and exploit them is what I’m saying.”

Bridie Connell

Bridie Connell has won just about every Theatre Sports comp there is, including at the Los Angeles Improv Festival. So even if she didn’t like every second of uni, she’d be able to fool you into thinking she did.

“I arrived at uni on my first day with a set of matching notebooks and a head full of dreams,” she says.

“I was determined to be the perfect student, to get excellent grades and really make a mark on campus, you know? Half an hour after I arrived I accidentally set off a fire alarm and the entire building had to be evacuated. The lesson here is that uni won’t quite be what you imagined and that things don’t ever really go according to plan. And that you shouldn’t lean on fire safety switches.”

“Honestly, I expected uni to be one big party that never stopped. In reality, it was one big party from which I took frequent stops for existential crises and late-night essay writing sessions. It was difficult and totally exhausting, and I completely loved it.”

Tom Walker

After going to uni in Australia, Walker attended the prestigious École Philippe Gaulier (that’s where Sacha Baron Cohen trained). And years of fancy French “clown school” have honed his ability to tell a nostalgic uni story.

“I thought uni would be a fresh start but instead I went to three boxing classes and stopped when a guy punched a contact lens out of my eye,” he says.

He also says the biggest reality check is realising that people still lie about how much they studied. “The two most common lies at uni are either ‘I’m so screwed for this exam’ or ‘my parents are poor’.”

The second biggest? That the title “professional comedian” hasn’t resulted in a six-figure salary. Yet.

“People say you’ll never get work out of an arts degree but look at me… last year I was in an online Kit Kat ad.”

James Colley

Travelling two hours from Penrith to the inner city each day, Colley, who ran the SBS Comedy site and had his first book, Too Right, published this month, feared he’d stick out at uni, surrounded by private school kids.

“To be honest I wasn’t wrong about that hypothesis because it was a big uni in Sydney,” he admits.

“But the wonderful thing about uni is that it’s not high school – and that’s just about the best thing you can say about anything in life. You can be yourself and you can find like-minded people who care about the same things you do.

And the people who don’t? “Everyone is too busy dealing with their own shit, so you get a free pass,” says Colley.

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Lead image: Pitch Perfect 2

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Ready to dive into choosing a uni degree? See what Australia’s #1 university is all about at ANU Open Day on 26 August. Find out more here.