Big Issues

Totally Acceptable Ways To Roast Your Coffee-Loving Friends For Not Having A KeepCup


It’s cool to care about the environment. Maybe in the ’90s or whatever — when jocks gave wedgies, phones were bricks and pants were puffy — you could tease someone for caring about things. But we’ve come very far as a species.

Students of 2017 are woke AF, and we prefer to take responsibility for and care for the planet. While most of us have got the message that disposable coffee cups = bad and KeepCups = good, there’s always that one mate who likes to be difficult.

The environment is dope, so we fully support bullying a friend out of their lifestyle choices if it’s hurting Mother Earth. If you’ve got a coffee-loving mate who needs to be shamed into the #KeepCuplyf, here are five easy ways to do it:

#1 “Oh, You Must Hate Pretty Things.”

Have you seen a KeepCup lately? They’re gosh darn gorgeous. You can get ’em in blue, green, rainbow, pink. They can be glass or plastic. Heck, you can print your own name on them.

It’s safe to say that when it comes to reusable coffee cups, the caffeinated beverage inside isn’t the only pick-me-up.

And what do disposable coffee cups have going for them? They’re drab, off-white, bland. Don’t get us started on the constant spills. They’re in your life for one moment, and out of it the next. No, thanks. We want our coffee cups like our relationships: interesting, good looking and committed.

#2 “You’re Actually Wasting Money.”

Most universities have some pretty dope discounts for people who bring their lil’ cuppy son along to the cafe.

You can usually save yourself 50c each time, meaning if you buy one coffee a day you’re getting a free one by Friday. Can’t argue with that.

#3 “It’s Because You’re Lazy, Right?”

#soznotsoz to be harsh. We guarantee the number one argument against buying a KeepCup is that they’re too annoying to maintain. Yes, you’ll have to wash them out after each use. No, it’s not that big of a deal.

You should consider washing out your KeepCup as just another adult responsibility, like regularly washing your sheets. It’s something you have to do if you want to keep drinking coffee/sleeping.

#4 “What Did The Environment Ever Do To You?!”

The environment is so good, you guys. It’s pretty and green and it has lots of fun creatures in it (like quokkas, and peacocks). Sure, it’s got frightening sea lice that eat your flesh too, but you win some/you lose some.

Humans have done a lot of fucked up stuff to our planet. The least you can do to help is buy a pretty cup to drink coffee out of. Dammit.

#5 “Literally Any Cup Will Do.”

If your mate isn’t going to fork out a couple of bucks for a reusable cup, tell them that they can use anything. An old pickle jar, your Mum’s favourite mug, an entire freakin’ teapot. Anything! Absolutely any kind of vessel that will support a foamy, hot beverage will do.

Go forth, social justice KeepCup warriors! We salute you.

(Lead image: Gilmore Girls/Warner Bros)

Josephine is the Editor of Uni Junkee. She never tweets at @josieannparsons.