Christopher Pyne Creates Petition To Save ABC, Does Not Understand What ‘Irony’ Is


Oh, this is rich. This is so, so rich. This is rich like a 5-star dessert or the character arcs on The Sopranos. This is rich like gravy mixed with custard and served on chocolate gateau. This, ladies and gentlemen, is Christopher Pyne.

For the love of god, Christopher. In what fantastical universe of goblins and pixies do you think it is permissible to strip our national broadcaster of more than 5% of its funding and then turn around and start a petition to try and save one of its bureaus in the very same week. I mean, at least let the memories of these savage cuts dull before you jump astride your moral high horse. It happened literally 36 hours ago. I’ve remembered individual muesli bar experiences for longer than that.

I can assure you, Christopher, your electorate isn’t about to blame a Mark Scott-driven conspiracy to strip them of local representation. They’re going to blame you and your merry band of shambling mouthbreathers, considering you were almost definitely one of the men responsible for gutting the ABC in the first place.

As of writing, Christopher Pyne’s petition has 74 of a desired 100 signatures. Which is a depressingly small target, really. This is a service that 84% of Australia describes as being “valuable”. The least you could go for is a few thousand, right?

I sort of feel like we should try and get everyone to sign it, just so that we have a convenient platform from which to air our grievances. Like this guy:

Screen Shot 2014-11-19 at 9.45.12 amOr good friend of the ABC Gerard Henderson here:

Screen Shot 2014-11-19 at 9.09.16 am

Probably not the real Gerard Henderson.

If you do want to get involved in the fight to save Aunty, Labor is running its own, less insane petition, or you can head to one of the many rallies being put on by the good folk at Hands Off Our ABC over the next week.

But if you really want to let Christopher Pyne know what you think, then you know what to do.

Image via Stefan Postles/Getty



  1. An Ironic Take on Pseudonyms. says:

    As a Pynephile, I’d like to point out that he’s technically not being a hypocrite. He clearly thinks that the ABC is capable of keeping their Adelaide production house, even with the Liberal cuts to their funding, so — just like Malcolm Turnbull — he is attacking the ABC’s priorities.
    You seem to think that Pyne is so dumb or shameless that he doesn’t realise that he wants to save something he effectively just abolished. Well, newsflash: he’s not… But *you* are dumb, just like all Junkee staff except Alex Mckinnon.

  2. Caitlin Welsh says:

    Being “shameless” would imply that he’s well aware that he’s trying to save something his party are attacking, he’s just not embarrassed about it – and that seems to be the case.

    The ABC does not need to have its budget cut. It is an extremely efficient government organisation (according to a 3006 KPMG report quoted here it’s actually underfunded) that returns enormous value to the electorate for a relatively small investment. The government opting to cut public broadcasting (when there are far more savings to be found *just* in, say, closing super tax loopholes for the wealthy) is about weakening non-commercial news broadcasters’ capacity to scrutinise their policies, protecting commercial interests of prominent donors, and pandering to cranks who think Leigh Sales is an overpaid communist.

    If the Coalition weren’t determined to cut funding to the ABC for those reasons, the ABC wouldn’t have to consider closing the Adelaide production house. Pretending this is some kind of heartless decision by the ABC to pull production out of SA *is* shameless, and petitioning the ABC to save the production house is politically tone-deaf at best.

  3. Loris Gordon says:

    Quite simply this looks to me to be an attempt by Pyne to look like a ‘good guy’ to the SA electorate from wence he came. He doesn’t want a voting backlash against him because his party has effectively rendered the Adelaide ABC production house redundant (not directly, but that’s the outcome). He’s shifting the blame to the big bad Liberal Party and trying to distance himself from the decision. It’s only now that the ABC budget cuts might reflect badly on him he says something? A petition? Pick up the phone and call Malcolm. DERP.

  4. Ceci Pipe says:

    He’s not even blaming the Liberal Party, he’s blaming the ABC for “politicising the issue” instead of implementing the cuts in places that Turnbull says they should.

    Basically he’s continuing on with “It’s not our fault, they made us do it, why would you do that” spiel the Liberal Party always uses.

  5. Ceci Pipe says:

    Sure, the ABC can keep their Adelaide production house.

    If they close everything else.

    They’re one of, possibly _the_, leanest and most efficient companies in Australia, possibly the world. They’ve been running a funding deficit for decades now and still managing to take on and even beat the commercial channels like Seven and Nine. Now Pyne wants to take a further 254 million out of their budget so he can force schools to have chaplains over counsellors, and he also wants to keep the Adelaide production house, even though the ABC _has_ to cut something.

    And by now, they’ve cut all the fat out. There’s literally nothing else that can be cut without losing structural integrity.


    Boat’s leaking, LNP gouged the hull, and everyone knows it. Pyne just wants a lifeboat for his district so he can get re-elected.

  6. Becks says:

    Rich like toffee mixed with custard, silly. Not gravy, who would eat that shit?

  7. MissyM says:

    Brilliantly put. Thank you!