Choose 2015’s Greatest Legend: Vote In Junkee’s Inaugural ‘Strayan Of The Year Awards

Tomorrow, some of Australia’s great unsung heroes will gather in Canberra — burns surgeons, philanthropists, land rights campaigners, human rights advocates, conservationists. One among their number will be chosen for one of the country’s highest honours: Australian of the Year. Others will be lauded in the Senior Australian, Young Australian and Local Hero categories. Many will go on to a year of tireless, high-profile advocacy for their cause, putting the issue of their choice into the spotlight and asking tough questions of those in power.

The Australian of the Year Awards recognise some of the people who embody modern Australia; those who give their lives to doing good for others. Some truly great Australians have been awarded the title: Adam Goodes, Rosie Batty, Tim Flannery, Cathy Freeman. It is right and proper that these people receive their day in the sun.

But sadly, despite making valuable contributions of their own to the nation, there’s another breed of Australian that goes relatively unsung. For every cricketer who leads Australia to Ashes glory, there’s a former Australian Idol runner-up who inexplicably becomes a meme thirteen years later. For every Governor-General honoured for their decades of quiet service, there’s an ousted Prime Minister whose only memorable achievement was uniting a nation in furious mockery. For every cancer scientist toiling away in an underfunded lab, there’s a bunch of dickheads in Perth who jerry-rig an outboard motor onto a picnic table and ride it around.

Where is the award for these people? For the lovable bogans and the accidental heroes? For the animals that capture our hearts, and the memes that speak for our times? For the harmless dickheads, and the viral darlings? For the internet dads, and for those just waiting for a mate?

What about those people? What about them? What About Me?

It’s past time these Aussies got the attention, the adoration, and the accolades they deserve — with the great voting public of Australia to decide their favourite. Without any further ado, welcome to:

Junkee’s First Annual ‘Strayan of the Year Awards

The rules are simple: view the contestants. Vote for your favourite in the poll at the bottom of the page. Text your mates. See who’s keen.

All contestants have been selected for work undertaken in the 2015 calendar year. Regrettably, this means a number of serious contenders from January have had to be excluded, like the protagonists of the KangaRoot saga and the robbery-foiling legends in thongs. Rest assured, they will be included next year.

Here are the ten nominees. Let’s get into it.

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Lee Lin Chin

Long since having transcended her former life as SBS’ best asymmetrically-dressed newsreader, 2015 was the year Lee Lin Chin truly went to a higher plane. She sits down with would-be Prime Ministerial contenders and hosts of the world’s most popular reality shows as a matter of course now, and she demands homage every time. Lee Lin Chin has indisputably become a national treasure, and if you don’t vote for her here she may well destroy us all.

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Shannon Noll

When you stop and think about it for a minute, there is absolutely no reason why the runner-up of 2003 Australian Idol has been transformed — with no apparent effort or input on his part — into a memelord. And yet here we are. There are petitions to get Nollsy to Groovin’ the Moo and Splendour. There are thousands on thousands of people ‘attending’ his poky little gigs in suburban RSLs. There are remixes on remixes on remixes. No one knows why any of this is happening, least of all him.

But his effect on 2015 was undeniable, and the Nollsy hype only looks to be getting stronger. Thirteen years after losing the crown, this is the time. This is the day he’s been waiting for.

(Also, if you don’t vote for Shannon Noll, we’re gaming the poll so he wins. He’s not coming second in another voting contest, not if we have anything to do with it.)

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The Marketing Team Behind ‘Stoner Sloth’

They don’t want to be here, but by gosh if they’re going unacknowledged. It’s still not known just how much taxpayers money was spent on trying to convince The Teens that smoking a joint will turn you into a groaning manbeast, but the ensuing fallout alone was worth the price of admission.

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Waleed Aly

To be clear, Aly isn’t being nominated here for his extensive work on The Project, or for his famous monologues on everything from political donations to ISIS that have made him one of Australian media’s most well-known and respected figures.

No. He scored a nomination because of this:

Think of a thing you’re good at. Waleed Aly is better at that thing than you are.

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The Kid Who Hiccuped His Way Through The National Anthem

“Austraaaalians all let uuuuu*hic*uus rejoooooice, for we are yooooo*hic*uuung and freeeeee-“

Let’s be real. ‘Advance Australia Fair’ is a terrible anthem. No one likes it, and we should replace it with ‘You’re The Voice’ by John Farnham as soon as humanly possible. This kid gave the only rendition of the national anthem that’s ever been enjoyable. That’s a big deal.

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The Perth Picnic Table Hoons

Chaos on our streets! Hoons run riot! Decent citizens cower in their beds!

“Our hands are tied,” police say! Do-nothing politicians quaver in fear! Royal Commission now!

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Tony Abbott

Ignoring, for the minute, that Tone was such a vastly terrible Prime Minister he actually managed to get Australians interested in politics for a little while, the bloke’s myriad instances of prosaic dickheadery deserve a nomination on their own. From necking a schooner in a Double Bay pub while drunken yahoos urge him on, to drunkenly belting out ‘Suspicious Minds‘ after he lost the top job, there were too many examples of Tony Abbott as a study in human carcrash-dom to list here in any detail.

But two achievements in this field stands out above all others. All things considered, they deserve categories of their own, but in the interests of brevity they’re included together here.

First off is The Onion. Long, long after Tony Abbott is forgotten, The Onion will be remembered.

Never forget. Second of all is the Speed Dealers.

Strong, strong contender, to be honest.

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The Man Whose Sledge Brought Down Tony Abbott

There’s no denying the sheer beauty of the sledge itself; that’s not in question. What most people forget is that this happened on the very morning of Abbott’s last day as Prime Minister.

Are the two connected? Did Malcolm Turnbull, watching the sledge on his phone, sense that Abbott had been fatally weakened, and that this was the moment to strike? We may never know the answer, but all right-thinking people know it’s almost certainly “yes”.

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Pistol and Boo, Johnny Depp’s Dogs

Eight months on, it’s difficult to recapture the sheer absurdity of a senior government minister threatening to off a Hollywood celebrity’s tiny dogs on national television. Unless you watch it again, of course.

At the time of publication, Pistol and Boo were missing, presumed dead. The conspiracy deepens.

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The Cricket Seagull

If anyone qualifies purely on sheer battler cred, it’s the Cricket Seagull. That little trooper needs a self-help tour, an appearance on Dr. Phil and a line of dodgy pharmaceuticals to flog on Danoz Direct.

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VOTE HERE