Culture

Campbell Newman Launched His Book Today! It Has Not Gone Very Well.

It turns out gleefully gutting your state's arts sector has some consequences.

by Meg Watson  7 October 2015

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Eight months after being ousted as Queensland Premier and retiring from politics altogether, Campbell Newman has today launched his first biography, Can Do: Campbell Newman And The Challenge Of Reform. Written by former LNP member Gavin King, the book covers his personal life, career and fall from power in the same way as most political memoirs — it gives him a chance to talk himself up, clear his name on controversial policy decisions and shit-talk his opposition with little fear of reprisal.

As The Guardian has already pointed out, he also takes specific aim at the media, at one point calling them all a “pack of bastards”.

Little-seen footage of Newman walking away from his final presser this year.

Shying away from the spotlight for the past few months to pursue a career in agricultural robotics (seriously), Newman was likely a little excited about today. Hype has been building about the book for the past week, with fairly favourable media coverage, and the launch was a great opportunity for him to reclaim his old stomping ground; to tell his story on his own terms.

Unfortunately, not everyone saw it that way. Over Newman’s three years in office as Premier he earned himself an impressive list of opponents. The arts community condemned his decision to scrap the Premier’s Literary Awards which had been running for more than a decade (amidst other cuts to the sector). Environmentalists rallied against his apparent climate denialism as he closed the Office of Climate Change and lagged on renewable alternatives. And many others took issue with the myriad similar cuts, blunders and outlandish policy decisions that came from his rule.

To these people, today was great for another reason: Newman was fair game to ridicule again, and they had plenty of new material to work with.

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His Launch Was Hosted At An Exclusive Men-Only Club

Despite the fact he spends a portion of the book expressing regret at not including more women in his cabinet, its official launch event was this morning hosted at Brisbane’s Tatersalls Club — one of the few remaining men-only venues in the country.

Though the club was widely derided earlier this year when the LNP chose to host an International Women’s Day event there, apparently Newman and King never got the message. Many of the nation’s leading politicians and media commentators were invited there to hear speeches and readings from the book, and the whole thing was ironically hosted by a group named the Australian Institute for Progress.

As you’ll note from that picture, some dodgy lady-folk did in fact manage to sneak into the room without being strong-armed by security or pelted with spitballs at any point throughout proceedings. This is because, according to the venue’s website, non-members “are welcome to attend the club as a function or event guest”. However, as Australian political reporter Sarah Elks inferred, that doesn’t necessarily mean much in practice.

To be fair, the club also makes note that women are actually always allowed on the premises (when they happen to be the partner or family member of a male member).

mensclub2

If you didn’t quite buy that, I’ve made a slightly more palatable version:

mensclub

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The Launch Was Also Picketed By Union Members

These guys give zero shits that Newman wants to be a humble robot farmer. They don’t care he has no further say in the leasing of public assets like power generators. These obnoxious neon jokesters will picket him/any person who sets foot in the LNP fancy boyz clubhouse forever and frankly, I’m fine with that.

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Bookshops Gleefully Refused To Stock It

Following on from UQ Press’ decision to not publish the memoir, a number of stores around the country have refused to stock the book on a matter of principle. Most vocal of these has been Brisbane’s Avid Reader. Owner Fiona Stager went on ABC Radio this morning to justify her decision and speak to the devastating effect Newman had on the arts sector while in power.

“We saw that as an attack on the writing, editing, book-publishing, book-selling community in Queensland,” she said. “A lot of my customers lost their jobs. They either worked in government or organisations which were defunded. It had a big impact on my first Christmas.”

“It seemed ironic that the first thing he did after losing was to turn around [and] be involved in the publication of a book … Booksellers have a long memory.”

With some media outlets reporting that the book had in fact been “banned”, Newman spoke out against the decision labeling it “anti-free speech” and “undemocratic”. Avid Reader have responded spectacularly to this and similar complaints all day.

Thankfully, others have taken up the cause and the much-loved local bookstore is now getting the best press it’s ever had.

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No One Turned Up To The Stores That Sold It Anyway

CC: Avid Reader.

Subject: You made the right decision.

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Sportsbet Don’t Have Much Faith In Him Either

Launching a special betting pool, Sportsbet’s odds on the whole situation are a bit grim. Though they’re paying $1.87 whether it clocks under or over 20,000 units, they’re offering $11 for it to beat The Latham Diaries and $51 if it topples John Howard’s Lazarus Rising.

Importantly, the book’s had some early signs of success, with the first print run easily selling its 2,500 copies in Australia and 1,000 in the US and UK. However, the betting agency is suggesting that’ll likely will be the extent of it. They have Newman at $21 to write a sequel; $51 for the story to be made into a film or TV series; $101 for the book to ironically win the Queensland Literary Awards; and an epic $501 if it takes out a Pulitzer. 

Honestly, those last two figures should be way higher.

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Philip Ruddock Kind Of Stole His Thunder

After Herald Sun politics reporter Rob Harris jokingly made note of these odds on Twitter this afternoon, the former Chief Government Whip and current longest-serving member of the House of Representatives Philip Ruddock swooped in and literally stole the show.

I mean, with those few enticing words, Newman’s entire career and future creative output is entirely irrelevant. Right?

I would watch the hell out of this.

I implore anyone with connections to an Australian TV producer to get on the phone immediately.

“You know that new mini-series you’re looking for people to hate-watch?”

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The Entire Australian Lit Community Couldn’t Stop Laughing At His Pain

Welcome to the jungle, friend.

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Feature image via Gavin King/Facebook.