A Cafe In Adelaide Is Serving A Coffee That Keeps You Awake For 18 Hours, For Some Cooked Reason
The coffee is called the "Asskicker".
Australia, we have a coffee problem. We should all be ashamed of ourselves, because this has gone too far. If I was a tourist and went to any city in Australia, I would laugh my dumb ass off at how precious and pretentious we have become about coffee, how we worship this bean like a deity but have also gotten to the point where we’re bastardising everything that’s even fucking good about coffee.
Remember how dumb that blue algae latte was? Remember that hellish deconstructed coffee? Well guess what, we’ve cooked it again and there’s another dumb coffee available that we should be incredibly embarrassed about, because it’s insane. Please get acquainted with the “Asskicker”.
NOPE.
In Adelaide, there’s a cafe called Vicious Coffee that proudly proclaims that they’re “all about the coffee. We take pride and joy in providing exceptional espresso based beverages, siphon brews, and cold drip concoctions”. This cafe serves a coffee called the “Asskicker” which is specifically designed to keep you awake for 18 hours straight. I am not kidding.
The coffee contains four espresso shots, two different strengths of cold drip and milk, which inventor and cafe owner Steve Benington says “contains 80 times the amount of caffeine of a standard shot”. The coffee is “designed to be sipped slowly over three to four hours”. It takes three to four hours to drink this coffee, presumably because if you drank it in the same time it would take you to drink a normal coffee, you would die.
“I have a quite detailed talk with people before they actually purchase one. If I can talk someone out of it, they’re not ready for the drink,” said Benington.
WHY DOES THIS EXIST, WHY DOES THIS COFFEE THAT COULD KILL YOU EXIST.
According to Benington, “Asskicker” was originally concocted to help an emergency room nurse with her shift work, but then he adjusted the recipe after the coffee “kept her up for a total of three days” despite her sipping it over two.
This is an affront. I don’t know what to say about this. We’ve cooked coffee culture so badly, that now we’re demanding coffee that could literally stop our hearts, because we’re bored. How do you make a citizen’s arrest?