Britain is best known for exporting three things: the Royal Wedding, colonialism and crime shows.

Of all of the UK’s televisual gifts to the world, the humble British crime show is the one most likely to be watched by your sleepy mother on a Friday night.

It seems like there’s an endless loop of cockney murders and quaint mysteries in Sussex to solve and broadcast on our television sets. But part of the endless seduction of English murder shows is that there are so many varieties of them to choose from! If you’re less in the mood for the harrowing murder of a red-headed step-child and more interested in Who Stole Aunt Agatha’s Heirloom Eggbeater, Britain has you covered.

This is where Twitter user Emma Wortley comes in with the perfect theory of every type of British crime show.

The three (3) types of British crime shows:
– title is a surname, makes you sad
– title is a place name, makes you sad
– “gosh isn’t murder positively beastly, oh well mustn’t let it ruin the village’s Paintings of Fences & Sheep competition, it’s the 50th anniversary after all”

— Emma Wortley (@emkawo) May 13, 2018

Apart from being extremely funny, her theory is also incredibly accurate. It basically works for every show.

I watch a lot of British crime shows and can’t think of one that debunks your categories

— Ignore Trump Tweets (@ButtercupLeo) May 13, 2018

Let’s break them down:

Title Is A Surname, Makes You Sad

– Luther (quite sad)
– Sherlock
– Wallander (sad)
– Inspector Lewis
– Vera
– DCI Banks
– Inspector George Gently
– Inspector Morse
– Marcella (VERY SAD)
– A Touch Of Frost (his name is something like DI Howard Frost)
– Bergerac
– Taggart

Title Is A Place Name, Makes You Sad

– Broadchurch (Oh god)
– Happy Valley (actually very sad)
– Shetland (sad, considering it’s set on the island that ponies come from)
– Top of the Lake (more a description than a place tbh)
– Whitechapel

Gosh, Isn’t Murder Positively Beastly, Oh Well Mustn’t Let It Ruin The Village’s Paintings Of Fences & Sheep competition, It’s The 50th Anniversary After All

– Midsomer Murders
– Rosemary and Thyme
– ????

The only exception to the rule I can think of is Line of Duty, so let’s start a petition to name the cops who star in it Detective Line and Constable Duty.

Whatever exceptions you care to name only prove the rule. https://t.co/7Xm6zuABQm

— Robert Lloyd (@LATimesTVLloyd) May 13, 2018