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Good News: A Furious Badger Has Taken Over A Castle In Scotland

They're trying to lure it out with cat food and honey.

by Patrick Lenton  15 April 2018
Angry Badger

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If you were planning on either visiting or invading the historic Craignethan Castle, you should know that it has an extremely powerful and furious new master: a “very angry badger”.

The 16th century Craignethan Castle is located in South Lanarkshire, south-east of Glasgow, and was famous for its impenetrable defences.

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However, on Saturday it was invaded by a nocturnal angry badger, forcing staff to close the stronghold’s cellar tunnel to the public.

Badgers are a protected species in the United Kingdom and cannot be deliberately killed, injured or taken. Furthermore, their burrows are equally protected — and wouldn’t Craignethan technically count as a burrow now? This is a very powerful badger.

A spokesperson from Historic Environment Scotland has delivered details about the proposed counter-attack, to win back the fortress from its new overlord. Mostly this consists of trying to lure it out with cat food and honey.

“The tunnel was closed around midday on 12 April after our site staff discovered a badger had made itself at home,” said the spokesperson. “The castle is surrounded by woodland and we believe the badger may have become lost.

That’s one theory — another could be that the badger is consolidating power, and will soon be eyeing off the English throne.

Is this absolutely hectic badger the avatar of independence that the Scottish people have been waiting for? Has anyone asked what the badger is so angry about? Could it be… national pride?