A Very Serious And Important Review Of Tony Abbott’s Karaoke Cover Of ‘Suspicious Minds’

Originally recorded by songwriter Mark James in 1968, ‘Suspicious Minds’ is a catchy yet ultimately heartbreaking song about both his devotion to his wife and enduring love for someone else — a ballad to indecision, commitment and the emotional complexity of monogamous relationships. The song was then picked up by Elvis Presley the following year and soon shot to the top of the charts; it was his final number one single before his death.

While maintaining the infectious melody of James’ original bittersweet song, Presley’s version brought a different sound to the music. James’ country twang was replaced by a deeper distinct soulfulness. Sorrow-filled verses were counter-balanced with charm. As with all his previous work, he injected a sense of unashamed sentimentality into his showmanship; he serenaded his audience with it, truly selling the heartache of a story which was not his own.

The same can not be said of Tony Abbott’s latest rendition.

Though he has long claimed to be a die-hard fan of Presley’s iconic discography, the disgraced former Prime Minister last night took the karaoke stage at the National Party’s Christmas drinks in Canberra and butchered The King’s last classic hit. The resulting carnage was recorded by an unnamed music-lover in the audience and leaked to The Sydney Morning Herald this morning.

Leaked audio reveals @TonyAbbottMHR singing 'Suspicious Minds' at Christmas party https://t.co/XlmbHBcy5Z #auspol https://t.co/MsGG1pXsZD

— smh.com.au (@smh) December 1, 2015

It seems fitting that the audio only lasts 21 seconds, as that’s about the same time it would take for the former PM to be kicked off Australian Idol. Dicko would be having none of this rubbish. Mark Holden would have left the room. Even Marcia Hines would be shaking her head. Nonetheless, let’s take a little time to break it down.

Tone lets his cover down from the start by not respecting the music itself. The iconic bass melody of the intro is axed and not only the meagre karaoke instrumentals can be heard over a variety of conservative politicians chatting about agriculture and sipping Bundy and Coke. This continues, sinfully, throughout the whole track.

Then, there’s the matter of his voice. Despite the fact the song is practically a word-for-word recount of Tony’s time in office, he appears to have only a passing interest in the lyrics themselves. There’s no depth. There’s no soul. When Elvis sings “we can’t go on together” you believe him; the words are drawn from him in one powerful breath, rich and full like molasses. When Tony sings it, he sounds like your broken-hipped granddad who needs help getting out of an armchair.

This is then made worse by the fact he’s stripped himself of backing vocals. Both James’ and Presley’s versions of the song made use of a looping, female chorus to provide an extra depth; a powerful symbolic nod to disunity and broken partnership. Though Tony undoubtedly had plenty of people in the room available to fulfil such a role, he chose to carry out the duty himself whispering “with suspicious…” before shamefully bailing out and not even finishing the refrain.

An inside source has told SMH that Tony had another go at the song later on in the night with more musical backing but the details are not yet known. Frankly, Australia’s expected more. ‘Suspicious Minds’ was reportedly the same song playing when a marble table was broken following his ousting from office. He sang it on live radio with Nova’s Fitzy and Wippa when he was Opposition Leader in 2013. He’s not only had time and practice; he’s lived through the pain.

Tony did, however, call himself a “grog monster” in that same interview though. So that could explain it.

Zero stars.

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Feature image via Tony Abbott/Facebook.