Film

A ‘Bob’s Burgers’ Writer Is Hate-Watching ‘Entourage’ To Raise Money For Kids With Cancer

"Thanks to all of the terrible people I know and a bunch of awful strangers I've NEVER EVEN MET WHO CARE ABOUT CHILDREN'S CANCER, I've reached 10K in one day."

by Meg Watson  29 May 2015

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On the evening of June 12, in perfect unison, thousands of bros across the country will solemnly place down their Xbox controllers and allow a zen smile to momentarily creep across their face. Alone, and yet totally united, they will shower, ceremoniously baste their bodies in Lynx Africa, adorn themselves in some variety of the checkered button-up shirt from Tarocash that is uniform for all their kind, possibly opt for an ill-fitting leather jacket, then cruise down to the cinema in their neon Holden Commodore earnestly blasting Lonely Island’s ‘I Just Had Sex’ (ft Akon).

The Entourage movie is nearly here.

But, while there are hundreds of thousands of these people who have already dropped this date into their schedge — it’s probably millions, but I refuse to accept that — the rest of the world is already cringing. Most people would rather ritualistically set their money on fire than sacrifice it for the enormous displeasure of watching this film, and Bob’s Burgers writer Wendy Molyneux is one of them.

For the past week or so she’s been expressing her hesitation about the film on Twitter:

And retweeting important PSAs like this:

But yesterday, she decided to ramp things up a notch. Deciding that everyone’s money needn’t be burnt in defiant protest of five fictional dudebros one of whom is legitimately called Turtle, she launched a GoFundMe charity campaign. If the internet raised $10,000 for an organisation that works to prevent children’s cancer, she would go see the film.

“Please give five dollars or ten thousand dollars. Or please don’t because I really don’t want to see Entourage,” she wrote. “It’s your decision. Cancer and me not seeing Entourage, or forcing me to see Entourage in a THEATRE FULL  OF PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY WANT TO SEE ENTOURAGE and money to cure pediatric cancers.”

First her friends jumped on board (because of course they did), then a wider community of comedians who she proceeded to get justifiably angry at on Twitter, then people started writing about it and the entire internet got on board. The stakes were suddenly very real.

And within a day, within 24 HOURS, she had reached the target. The total is currently hovering around $13,000.

“Well, this has not worked out very well,” she wrote this morning. Thanks to all of the terrible people I know and a bunch of awful strangers I’ve NEVER EVEN MET WHO CARE ABOUT CHILDREN’S CANCER, I’ve reached 10K in one day.”

Now, with the US premiere still a week away, the goal has changed. For $15,000, she’ll watch the movie with a sippy cup of soda with Turtle’s face on it, and for $20,000 she’ll watch the movie a second time.

This is the best possible thing that could have ever come from this godawful movie.

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You can donate to the campaign here. Entourage premieres in Australia on June 12.